Happy New Years, 3 months into the new year. The question on my mind is: how many times can a person metaphorically die and be reborn?
Didn’t think things would get dramatically worse, I mean wow… this year caught me off guard. Lost two of the three remaining storages, slept in a car for most of these new year months, spent the other time sleeping in airports all around the U.S. Rode in cars and trucks that rental companies had reported stolen because if we gave it up my mom gave it up we’d be on the street in the cold. Found my old best friend and first love online…. just to realize maybe they don’t want me to be apart of their lives like I used to be, maybe they moved on while I stayed stuck in 2012. Don’t even get me started on my dad and his wicked wife.
After seeing off the latest leech my mother had taken under her wings and allowed to distract her from important stuff and make life worse for us :), I started the year optimistic and headed for Arizona from Texas with my mom and brother, hoping/praying/wishing everything would turn out alright, but it didn’t. Shit hit the fan… hard. We slept in a car that wasn’t ours, wasting time by planning plans that would eventually fall through. Making something out of nothing, getting caught up in signs and synchronicities, instead of being grounded in reality. Pouring into other people, that probably care about us less than we cared about them at that point. Once my mother got struck with the idea to go to Florida, there was no stopping her, I had to convince myself that maybe things would work out over there, like it was suppose to work out in Arizona, Texas, Georgia, Florida, Texas (we went back there 6+ times), Georgia (yeah we kept going there too), Washington, Iowa, Indiana, but it didn’t.
After being terrorized by some private investigator that I hope is now burning in hell, we gave up the rental car and we ended up sleeping in the airport. God can you imagine how humiliating it is to sleep in an airport for like a week? The same clothes almost everyday (we were able to change sometimes thank god.) We begged for money from friends and family and we got enough to get out of there with a U-Haul truck and the naive belief that things would actually get better. We headed back to Texas to sit and be homeless in Wal-Mart parking lots because we didn’t have enough money to travel and U-Haul wanted their shitty truck back.
From there my mother called her Taxi friend and let him know our awful situation, he felt bad because he has a heart and he bought us food and gave us money to go to a hotel, then my mom kept calling. He was very gracious to help us out at all and my mom took advantage of it, so he got annoyed. He put us in a hotel twice and gave us money to add to our own to get us in a hotel two or three times. He also bought us food multiple times, sure we hate Dominos, but it’s not like we had any other options. Much to his relief, eventually we leave. This is the part that was total bullshit. My sister bought us all tickets to go to the state she’s in, she offered to take me and my brother to live with her, she said my mom can stay with my grandma (my mom and sister don’t get along enough to live together) and get back on her feet. Fair deal right? Wrong, my mother refused. She refused to allow us (including me, a 20 year old) to go stay with my sister, who lives in a nice safe suburb. She threatened to tell my father on me. She pretended she would take the tickets to where my sister is and then called and changed them to San Francisco so she could eventually get to LA, because she felt lead to California.
Well poor planning and karma came together and we got stuck in San Francisco Airport because she couldn’t get tickets to LA. We stayed in the airport like 2 days until a kind stranger approached us and offered to help. My mom said to help us get to LAX, but the lady wanted to know if we had a place to stay there, we didn’t. She found one ticket for LAX that she could get and then send two of us later (i guess), but that wouldn’t work either. My mom was sane enough to realize she couldn’t send either of her kids to LAX alone with no plan. She couldn’t go alone because she has to travel with my brother. Kind stranger didn’t know what to do or where to send us, I wish I would’ve said where my sister was, God I wish that would’ve came to my mind. Instead I mentioned my dad lived near Vegas, she agreed to send us there. She put us in a nice hotel until our flight and we prepared to come to Vegas. I think I caught walking Pneumonia, I might actually still be fighting that off.
My mother actually said she’d come to Vegas and work until we could get out of here, then she looked and “didn’t find jobs” considering Vegas is… Vegas that sounds incredibly dumb. She’s just picky, which is dumb too. How are you gonna be picky with your jobs when you don’t have a job, home or car? With bills and bills stacked? Are you insane? Maybe. Anyways, she didn’t plan to come to my Dad’s, none of us did. I thought we were going in a hotel with her stupid hotel points. NOPE. We stayed in the Vegas airport then had to call my dad to pick us up. We came up with this story with so many holes in it, they obviously didn’t believe us and questioned us like criminals the whole time we were there. Finally, we just lied and said we had a flight out of here scheduled, but we didn’t. We came to the airport by faith… praying we’d get some money or someone could buy us tickets. Well that didn’t happen immediately, so we told my father we “missed” our flight. Thinking he could pick us up and we could go back to his place. He was so upset, his wife even more upset, she yelled at me a lot. Mainly about how irresponsible my mother is, my mom took the phone and heard her saying we look homeless and saying how awful my mom was and she told her off and hung up. Which was fair, his wife is a nosy annoying ass bitch.
He called back and offered to pick us up, she said no. He texted me and asked me to ask her if she wanted him to pick me and my brother up and give her some money to be in a hotel. I told her and she said no, which I was sad and annoyed about but I understand why. My dad probably was gonna try to keep us, since that’s what he kept asking my mom for when we stayed with him, even though he legally can’t. Which he doesn’t seem to be understanding. Anyways, he’s been sending me text after text about bullshit. I won’t even go check to see every hurtful thing he said (that his wife planted in his head) “Did you guys take my wife’s charger” was the latest blowup. He literally accused us of stealing her phone charger, then he went into a rant of how awful my mother is. And look, she’s awful she does AWFUL things, but every reason he listed was a lie, an exaggeration or an misunderstanding. All because of his she-devil wife. I wish he never would’ve met that stupid bitch, then everything would be fine. Every fight that’s happened between us came from her, I don’t know why she hates us so much. I mean she kinda hates him too, she’s literally emotionally abusive, we all witnessed it. I was scared she’d hit him. She’s one person the world would be better off without, I know I would be.
So I’m sitting here, in so much emotional pain. All I want is to have a good relationship with my parents, especially my dad. He missed 9 years of my life, that’s why stupid petty shit his wife starts shouldn’t mean anything. We should be more important. I don’t know what to do, I planned to move closer to him, but now I don’t want to be anywhere near his crazy bitch. It sucks because I fell in love with the school over here. I don’t want to be mad at him, but he should stand up for us. God, I thought 2020 would be different. I thought it would be better.